This session saw its share of absolutely frivolous bills designed not to make things better — are the existing state laws badly screwed up that it takes 1250 new bills to fix them? — but to do nothing more than demonstrate the egotistical self-importance or the supposedly superior intelligence or the supposedly greater moral standing, caring and concern of the proponent for whatever cause happens to be in vogue at the moment.

Again, if and when I get around to make a story out of this one, I’ll have citations from the legislature’s database of the bills considered in this session.

But I want to turn this thing around and propose that we all pitch in and have some fun with it. Let us propose our own list of frivolous bill requests, and send them to our legislators before the next session.

Here are my starting suggestions, regardless of any chance they’ll ever be sponsored by anybody.

I hereby propose to revise the constitution and whatever else it takes, so that …

  1. Only property owners can vote, just like at the time of our founding. You have to own shares in a company to vote at the share holders’ meeting. The same way, you should have to have an individual, tangible stake in society in order to have a say how it is run. Property means a house that you bought to live in, a business you own, shares you own in a business, etc.
  2. Only native residents are allowed to run for any office in the state. No carpet baggers, such as a Hillary (from Illinois) being elected Senator from NY, or a Barbara Boxer (from Brooklyn NYC) sitting as Senator from CA. “Native” means you were born and raised there, not somewhere else. “Resident” means you actually have been and are living in the district that you want to represent.
  3. No former resident of CA, NY, IL and other similarly corrupt state, with a well documented history of cronyism, machine politics and voting fraud, can ever vote for anything in any other state, regardless of current resident status. Let them go back where they came from, not californicate everybody else. (No, I had not forgotten that I lived in SF for 38 years, and no, I will not practice what I preach. Conservatives need every vote they can get.)
  4. No election — local, state or federal — is valid unless the winning candidate or ballot measure gets 50% +1 vote of the total number of registered voters. If no one gets at least this many votes, the office stays vacant; similarly, the proposition fails. The number should really be based on the number of adults; but at least people who registered to vote had expressed some interest in the civic process. If people see that all sorts of decisions cannot be made because an office is vacant, they just might decide to take their civic duty seriously enough to go vote. That would also be a good way to see just which offices and issues are truly important to the people.
  5. Clark County (Las Vegas) shall secede from NV and join CA, given that it has become nothing more than a suburb of LA anyway, and bound to be even more so if NV by itself will pay for that high speed rail that CA wanted but doesn’t want to pay for. I am sick of all those transplanted Democrat BORGS in Las Vegas californicating and lording over the rest of the state, ruining what until recently was a nice little state quietly living and celebrating its traditions with typically western restraint and reserve.
  6. State senators once again shall represent the COUNTIES, just like in Congress the senators represent the states. The proletariate in the cities is already all too well represented in the lower house; there is absolutely no reason or justification for one-man-one-vote in the senate, except to make sure the Democrats dominate everything. Rural counties and their special problems and interests are not getting a proper hearing under the current system.
  7. A particular tax will be paid only by those people who actually voted for it. Yes, this means your vote will be recorded in your name and the list will be sent to the tax man. What? You object? How is this any less fair than the current system where the low information masses vote to soak the “rich”? Put your money where your damn mouth is, don’t pretend to be generous with everybody else’s money except yours.
  8. All taxes will be paid (not just see if it applies but actually PAID) first and foremost by the legislators who voted for it, as well as the sponsors, administrators, advocates, etc, who proposed it and people who testified for it. So if you want to soak the rich, tax mom-and-pop out of business, or drive an industry to the brink of extinction, YOU will be the first one to have the pleasure of experiencing the consequences.
  9. No bill gets considered unless the sponsor demonstrates the need and justification for it, cites the applicable constitutional authority to prove its legality, and if it’s a proposal for a new law, names an old law that will be removed from the books.
  10. No bill gets to a vote in the either house of the legislature if the arguments for it consist of appeals to emotion rather than proper evidence. This one should not be hard for a legislature, most of whose members are formally educated, trained and experienced lawyers who supposedly argue on the basis of law and fact, and can tell the difference between frivolous argument and evidence. (No, you don’t have to gag me with a spoon for this one.)
  11. No election is valid unless it produces at least a numerical parity between socialist Democrats and conservative Republicans. I don’t care what the big city proletariate wants and how it votes. The issue is whether this Republic survives as founded or sinks into the same hell hole that took a world war to eradicate in Germany and a cold war to eradicate in Russia.
  12. Thomas Jefferson’s failure to stand up to John Marshall is hereby corrected and Marbury vs. Madison is declared null and void. Under the Constitution it is EVERYBODY’S duty to keep their actions and the actions of their peers consistent with the Constitution, not just the Court’s alone. The way it is now, zealous activists in office do anything they damn well please, unless and and until the Court slaps them down, if even then. To make matters worse, more often then not the Court defers to legislative or executive privilege and lets the most outrageous acts stand.
  13. And therefore any citizen can challenge the decision of any government official or body on grounds of constitutionality. “Standing” as currently understood is NOT required; if the government is acting in an unconstitutional manner against any one of us, sooner or later we all lose. We have “standing” by virtue of citizenship.
  14. No bill request gets written up as a proper bill unless and until the merits of the request have been vetted and deemed worthy of further consideration by an actual vote of the appropriate committee. Under the present system, far too much effort by the legislature’s legal staff is wasted on bills that never get out of committee or have no chance to be passed.
  15. No bill shall be considered if it addresses multiple unrelated issues, or if it requires more than 4-5 pages to state its purpose and implementation. No more 150-page bills in the legislature, or 2-3 thousand page bills in Congress!
  16. No bill shall be considered if it ventures into micromanagement of administrative procedures, which is properly the domain and responsibility of the bureaucracy charged with implementing it.
  17. No bill gets to a final vote in either house unless and until the entire bill is read and debated line by line in the floor session of the entire house (assembly or senate) that is considering it.
  18. No bill shall be considered if it proposes to substitute the legislature’s or the administrative bureaucracy’s necessarily non-technical judgement for the judgement of technical professionals such as doctors, engineers, scientists, etc., in the private sector.
  19. No bill passes unless I personally certify that it is consistent with the US Constitution, the Bill of Rights and original intent. All too obviously the courts are having great difficulty with this one; I am happy to help.
  20. Each and every co-ed attending our colleges in the hot summer months is specifically authorized and instructed to open-carry a fire arm dressed only in a bikini, with the gun on her hips, for our added viewing pleasure. (Maybe if bills revising rules for open carry and concealed carry had included this one provision, they would have passed…)

I am trying to be funny but it does not look like I am having any luck. Maybe you can do better. Don’t hold back, the sky is the limit; the legislature processed 1250 bill requests… in just the 120 days of the session…